It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
