Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Found the puke drawer
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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