Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
