Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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