Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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