I am spending my child support on dildos
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize