Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
