Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
