Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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