I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
