I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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