the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
