lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
