I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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