Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
