i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
