Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's never too late to be topless.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
