i was born a porn star she said
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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