my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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