No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
