So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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