So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
