my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
