he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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