Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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