You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
