Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
