Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
