worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
