I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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