it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
