well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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