It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize