It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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