He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize