I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
