Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
