You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is wine microwaveable?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
