Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
