i need an iv and a liver transplant
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
