is your mom at the bar?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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