no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
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