my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So much rum. So many feels.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
