Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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