My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize