I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
