I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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