i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
