clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
