She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
