yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
