yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
