just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
