I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
