its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
