hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
