you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
