I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Where is the hickey?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
