Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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