Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
