he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
