I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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