OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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