just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
