i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
