so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
