she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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