At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
