I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
