so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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