I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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