Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
