I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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