you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
