So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
