I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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