They should really pass out barf bags in church
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
